This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I just hate to see people prosper by deceiving others. This is more true of the especially vulnerable, though I doubt many of you fall into that group.
The automotive industry has more than its share of questionable products and services being offered in the interest of preserving your vehicle, cleaning its emissions, or providing more power and/or efficiency. The great majority of these products aren’t worth the plastic and cardboard they’re packaged in.
New Car Underhandedness and Chicanery
When you purchase a new car, if this is something you do, you will likely have the option to have all sorts of additional services performed. These include undercoating, anti-stain treatments for the seats, clear-coat protection and much more. The dealerships love these because the profit margins are absolutely huge! Some of the more unscrupulous dealerships will apply the “whatever” beforehand and then try to charge you for it. Even worse, some will charge you for it and then not even apply the “whatever”! Sure, you may be savvy and not fall for this, but what about your elderly parents, your grandparents, your aunt, or your elderly neighbor. Is she going to know if that $200 undercoating was needed or even if it was applied? These people can sense a “mark”. They may leave you alone, but your wife or sister will be hit on for sure. The relatively few times I’ve had my oil changed I have never had them try to up-sell me. My wife sure has experienced this, though. A friend went in for an oil change and ended up spending $500 for all sorts of “fluid flushes” and such. She didn’t have a lot of extra income, so I felt sorry for her, but there wasn’t much I could do after the fact. Come to think of it, I had a coworker who bought a new Dodge Ram Hemi and he paid $400 – $500 for spark plugs and I don’t know what else, and the thing was still under warranty. While not knowing for sure, I certainly think the guy got up-sold and spent money he didn’t need to. It’s not limited to just the ladies!
You can buy a can of Scotchgard for $10 or so and do your seats yourself. Why pay the dealer $100 or more to take 15 minutes and spray this on?
I learned that 3M quit making the “classic” Scotchgard in 1999. The type of chemicals used (perfluorooctane sulfonate (PFOS)) belong to a broader family including PFOA and PFAS. It’s used for non-stick cooking, polishes, waxes and paints.
I read an article that said these molecules just aren’t broken down in nature, at least not for many years. It said that every living organism on earth has some level of this crap in their blood.
3M changed their formula, so spray on with reckless abandon!
Spin Me an Urban Legend
More than once I have heard someone refer to a secret carburetor from back in the day that would have allowed us to triple our mileage, or better. The story goes that the evil car makers / oil companies somehow screwed the inventor out of the patent or design and then buried it. I don’t know if this qualifies as an urban legend, but, if not, it’s certainly related to them.
During the “morass period” of the late ‘70’s to mid ‘80’s, when automakers were struggling to meet emissions limits and mileage standards while still using carburetors, don’t you think this little gem of a carb would have been dusted off and used? Yet it wasn’t….because it never existed!
Rare, Low Mileage Corvette – $1,000
Back in the late eighties I had a friend/acquaintance tell me a story I already knew was an urban legend. He said his friend saw a late ‘60’s 427 Corvette with low, low, low miles in the paper for an absurdly low price. He called and talked to an elderly lady who said it had been purchased new by her son, shortly before he was sent to Viet Nam, where he died. She didn’t have the heart to sell it for the decades that had passed, but now just wanted to get rid of it. It had been stored in the garage and, of course, she hadn’t a clue as to its real value.
The guy jumped in his car and headed to the address as fast as he could. He got there just in time to see someone else driving off with the car! Of course, an essential element of an urban legend is that someone tells you that this happened to someone they know. If I had talked to the supposed attempted buyer, I would have found out that it wasn’t him, it was someone else. And so on, and so on. You never get to the person who actually experienced it, because it’s an urban legend! (I didn’t have the heart to tell my friend; he probably would have argued about it anyway!)
There are products being sold right now today that don’t even begin to provide the benefits they boast of. A few might be misguided individuals, but most are just ways to separate you from your money.
A website I used to frequent for news and opinion had an obnoxious advertisement for the “Howard Johnson Motor”. Not to be confused with the defunct motel/restaurant, I suppose. Ol’ Howard had figured out an ingenious design for a motor, using hundreds of magnets, that would run without electricity. You see, Howard had learned how to trick the laws of physics that say that energy can’t be created or destroyed, just changed to other forms. Plus, the darn thing was patented! That means it has to work, right. Well, no, it doesn’t. If that were true, there wouldn’t be existing patents for time machines! (There are.)
The topping on the cake is that it was “easily assembled by anyone, with just common home tools”. The picture they showed sure didn’t look like it was home made. I don’t remember what they wanted for the set of plans. I was so offended by this site promoting such bullshit, that I stopped visiting them. Haven’t really missed them, either.
Which Brings Us To …
Which brings us to some specific automotive products. The first is called the Condensator®. It’s a device that removes particles of oil from your PCV line, prior to the air being taken into the intake. They are careful to make mostly ambiguous claims, letting the “customer testimonials” give specifics about improved mileage and such. It would seem that the company at least used to advertise the product in an area and then come to town for a week or two to sell and install. Perhaps now it’s all Internet-based, I don’t know. I had to endure a couple of weeks of radio commercials for the darn thing, so I guess it’s forever etched in my brain synapses. I think they played on the fact that the average car owner doesn’t know what “PCV” is.
The device is patented, but you already know what little that really means. (Time travel, anyone?)
The premise is that particulates that are pulled into the engine by the PCV system contribute to carbon formation that then impairs efficiency, mileage and performance. This has a tiny, almost microscopic grain of truth, but they blow it up to the size of a water melon and make you wonder how the hell you’ve gotten along without the thing.
While the PCV system can be the source of a very small amount of oil getting into the combustion chamber, how does it compare to the oil getting by valve seals or piston rings?
Some of the testimonials refer to “instant results”, which would not indicate a carbon buildup situation, would it? If you were to temporarily disconnect and properly plug your PCV system, venting the crankcase to atmosphere, it should accomplish 99% of what the Condensator claims as benefits. This is defeating the emission limiting value of the PCV, and I don’t recommend it other than a thought experiment. This would prevent the “carbon building” oil particles from entering your engine, and you should experience the same benefits. Which would be absolutely zero, zip, nada.
‘The Rule’ for Devices offering Unusual Benefits
They’ve been around long before someone whipped up the first ‘love potion’ (for a nice fee, I’m sure…). Their only purpose is to separate the unwitting from their money; there is no other purpose! The list is long and includes the snake oil cures of the 19th century, the ‘healing machines’ of the early 20th century, many, many different things that were sold as ‘health tonics’ (including Coca Cola!) and supplements, and tons of products directed at owners of cars. Remember—One Rule! There is no other.
This is a screen shot from their website. Note the “com-bust”. I’ve numbered the statements for easier reference.
#1 – What costly repairs? No specifics are given.
#2 – “Up to 75%” would mean that some users had results at this value, if you’re being intellectually honest. This would mean that 75% of your emissions were from the PCV system, which is part of the emission reduction hardware! That defies any reason whatsoever, doesn’t it?
#3 – 30% greater efficiency? From preventing a small amount of oil from entering the intake tract? I don’t think so! (Pigs might fly out of my butt, too, but I kinda doubt it!)
PCV catch cans are sold for this same purpose, minus all the BS claims. And for a lot less than the $225 price on the website for the unit designed to work only with four-cylinder engines. In another instance of strangeness, I couldn’t locate any other model! Maybe this is already a dead horse.
Patents
This topic is an interesting study. An invention doesn’t have to be proven to actually work in order for it to be patented! It does have to be “unobvious”. Take, for example, a bicycle. If a new alloy is developed that has the desirable traits for a bike frame, this isn’t patentable, because it’s not unobvious (it’s obvious!). There are tons of crap ideas that have been patented. Some people and companies bear their number of patents as a badge of pride. A patent gives you, the inventor (or assignee) the tool with which to defend your idea, should someone else try to profit from it without your approval. It’s like a sword; you can’t just have it, you have to be willing to wield it at times for it to be effective.
More Cool Crap
This is the Fuel Genie, which will set you back about $89. It sits in the air passage between the air filter box and the intake. The instructions say that it will take two tanks of gas before the device is fully effective. I can’t image why that would be said for a device that was supposed to do something to the airflow to improve mileage. One expensive hunk of plastic. If you really wanted one and didn’t want to part with $89, maybe you could make one out of a 1-liter pop bottle.
This is the Tornado Fuel Saver. It makes a “tornado” in your engine’s intake (get it?). That’s good, because tornados break stuff and kill people…. wait…well, it’s just good.
Same concept as the Genie, but it’s metal and they’re not as proud of it (only $49). See comments above, but substitute “pop can”.
Behold the Platinum Gas Saver. As far as I can tell, it’s about $125. It imparts “microscopic particles of platinum” into the engine, which is supposed to do marvelous, dare I say, almost magical things. All I can say is “Wow!” Might as well call it a dispenser of fairy dust.
Platinum Alchemy?
It seems that perhaps ‘platinum’ is one of those things to which have been attached marvelous qualities and properties. Platinum is, of course, an element; more specifically it’s a metal that is less abundant than most other metals. It’s use in the automotive field is related to its hardness, durability, and high relative melting temperature. In particular, it’s used for spark plug tips, sensors and catalytic converters. It serves no purpose whatsoever to add “microscopic particles of platinum” to your engine! Zero! Zip! Nada!
The Fuel Shark!
“Save 10% to 30% on gas…”
- Increased gas mileage on every tank of gas
- Improved engine performance and lower mileage
- Longer battery life with better efficiency
- Works on gas or diesel cars/trucks
- Just plug in and your done!
Lower mileage!? ‘Your’ Should be ‘you’re’!
Someone opened one up and it’s an LED, four or so resistors and a 1,000µF capacitor.
I had only intended to just talk about a few of these scam devices here, but once I got started, I couldn’t stop! How do you top the Fuel Shark? Read on…!
Yeah, I know this is a diesel. But, crap, it has pictures! You can’t argue with pictures!
The company web site proudly proclaims “Qmax products are comply with virtually any types of internal combustion engine…” For the love of all that’s holy! Hire an English-speaking proofreader!
Note the reduced exhaust in the picture. The big-assed pieces of air are a lot smaller, too. Gotta be good, right?
They have something called Nano Air. From the site: “Qmax Nano Air – Air contains oxygen gas needed for combustion. Before the air is entered into the combustion chamber, it is energized by Qmax Nano Air. It emits far-infrared ray that breaks the molecular clusters, turning the oxygen molecules more active and denser, readier to mix with fuel for more efficient combustion. Because of the uniqueness of Qmax Nano Air, it can also improve the braking power (on brake system with intake manifold vacuum hose…” )
Better braking too! What doesn’t Nano Air do?
If you’re as impressed with this crap as I am, here’s how to reach the company:
21-1, Jalan Metro Perdana Timur 1,
Taman Usahawan Kepong, 52100 Kuala Lumpur.
Tel: 603 6258 3608
Fax: 603 6250 0838
Yep! That’s a fax number. High-tech for sure. Oh, they’re in Malaysia, home to such notable automakers as, uh…well, doesn’t matter.
Something just dawned on me. What if I used the Condensator, the Fuel Shark, the Platinum Gas Genie, Qmax Nano Air and the Fuel Genie (or Tornado Fuel saver, can’t decide)? Why, I ought to be able to run without fuel at all! I might be on to something here…
Here’s a vintage Mileage Minder that was for sale on eBay. Interesting to note that for just $7.99 you could buy a 1-year SquareTrade protection plan. For $14.95 you could have a ten- minute conversation with a “certified technician”!
“Tiptoe power” and “flashing acceleration”! Who wudda thunk?
Even this abbreviated list wouldn’t be complete without magnets!
I have an old 1969 J.C. Whitney catalog. This company had tons of bargain priced stuff for your car, most of it being of the price-over-quality variety. Within its pages of wonder I found, you guessed it, magnets! Magnets to improve fuel efficiency, from 1969!
Okay, I’m done with this!
Automakers are going to such lengths to improve emissions and increase power. Don’t they know they could just install one of these wonderful products and be done with it, for a fraction of the R&D costs they incur? What’s wrong with them?
I Just Have to Mention This…
It seems that the ordinary capacitor has replaced the magnet in some respects. The Fuel Shark claims wonderous things with its small capacitor, and these benefits aren’t just limited to car electric systems anymore!
The PowerVolt makes its own set of fantastic claims for their device, which is equivalent to a Fuel Shark that plugs into your home wall receptacle.
Here’s the little piece of crap in all of it’s cheap-Chinese-plastic glory! There are several rip-offs that look almost the same, or the makers of this little pile of poo are selling it under different names.
The PowerVolt follows the formula established long ago by purveyors of the miraculous things that magnets can supposedly do. Basically, take something common that possesses unique qualities not well understood by the average person and then make various wide-ranging fantastic claims for your ‘invention’ that uses these objects.
The makers of PowerVolt claim that it removes ‘harmful spikes’ from the power line, that would otherwise damage your appliances. The specific nature of this ‘damage’ isn’t specified. Never mind that all electronic devices incorporate designs that include capacitors already. Just when you begin to think that maybe, just maybe, they are honest but misguided (giving them waaay too much of the benefit of a doubt!), they make the claim that the PowerVolt removes ‘harmful carbonization’. This statement is so clearly pulled out of their collective asses that it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! Carbonization?? Of what?? There’s no freakin carbonization of anything, anywhere in your home (except maybe in your toaster)! This is pure, 100%, unadulterated Bull Shit!
What is kind of ingenious, but totally dishonest and immoral, is their creation of several web sites that present themselves as ‘honest reviewers’ of such products. They invariably give PowerVolt great reviews. One such review was embedded in what appeared to be an electronics website. Just as I can tell you that perpetual motion or ‘energy from nothing’ machines don’t and can’t exist, I can tell you that PowerVolt will do nothing for you except separate you from the cost of this little bit of snake oil.
I hate companies like this and I hope that everyone involved in any of them experience the karma due to them! Most of us work hard for our money and we the world doesn’t need these assholes who will try to scam honest people of their money. If your favorite website presents such ads, contact the website and let them know that they are going to lose you if this persists. Maybe do like I’ve done and look for alternatives to those sites. Sadly, they seem to be getting more and more pervasive as time goes by. Why would an honest website sell space to such scam artists? I really don’t know…
Blasts from the Past
This is one of my all-time favorites from the Whitney catalog. A lot of the stuff was just plain crap, but I do love looking through the catalog and remembering doing the same thing as a kid. Of course, back then, the stuff wasn’t “junk”, it was cool!
This doesn’t really go with the material here either, but I thought it was just so incredibly cool that I had to include it. Note that it’s not merely electric, it’s ‘electronic’! And, if your car is an older one with a 6V system, it still works.
Some years later, GM would resurrect the idea with cans of polymer traction enhancement spray that was a higher-tech version of the same concept. That didn’t last long, either.
I just got stuck in front of my house in my Thunderbird. Made it all the way home to get stuck 30 ft. from my destination! Honestly, I would have welcomed a device like the one above. Should have given my M+S tires enough traction to make it up the driveway!
Think I’m gonna bust out the Whitney catalog tonight and gawk as some of the cool crap that was for sale, while marveling at the low 1969 prices. Maybe have an adult beverage, too.
